fact: the poseur in the bowler gets shot first

[slushfund]

M050715005

■ NEAL DARTS, LHASSA

■ AUDIO
■ VIDEO
■ E-MAIL
■ TEXT
■ ACTION

‶ time is money. make it fucking quick.

Comments

[slushfund]

[multiple grammatically incorrect texts greet him and he stifles a snicker against a fist — he should have known.]

Don't fucking freak out, this place is huge.

[WARNS HIM THAT IT'S??? TOO NICE...

a few attachments follow, mostly the bedroom and a peek into the ensuite washroom (wtf is that tub).]

ATTACHMENT: LLLLLLL.PNG

It's all customizable like something out of a sci-fi.
I'm still trying to figure out how to turn half of this shit off.

[blowfish]

[Don't freak out, he says. Jesse bolts to sitting up and stares at his phone, zooming in here and there. It takes him a couple of minutes to write back because he's staring at everything.

customizable???]

oh my god
i wanna switch sides more than ever

[blowfish]

[INCOMING ATTACHMENT.]

ATTACHMENT: WHOA.PNG

[It's just Jesse's face and he's doing half of the Home Alone face with one hand on his cheek.]

1/2

[slushfund]

It's a lot of unnecessary space for one idiot.

[oh, the attachment comes a little after jesse's first text—

oh.

*saves it*]

[slushfund]

I didn't get the pic, you must be sending it wrong.

[kekekekekekeke.]

[blowfish]

what? no way

[INCOMING...giving his phone the middle finger in a mirror.]

ATTACHMENT: GFHFGMHLG.PNG

[slushfund]

[just collecting these for posterity.]

Yeah way???
Mine's fine, maybe they gypped you.
Try one more time.

[blowfish]

[...starting to catch on maybe.]

any ideas about what i should try next

[slushfund]

[he's totally catching on...]

A few.
These things shouldn't be that difficult to fix.

What happened to that big imagination of yours?

[blowfish]

it's not working so i guess i could do anything right

[slushfund]

Well said.
I wouldn't see a damn thing.
Too bad...

[blowfish]

ATTACHMENT: XXXDONOTOPENPRIVATE.PNG

[eating ice cream out of the carton...fuck yeah.]

[slushfund]

[yeah, he was 10000000% fooled. it takes him a moment of blinking before

THE SCOWL.]

Ice cream is vile.
Your teeth will rot and your stomach lining will turn to mush.
Don't say I did not warn you.

1/2

[blowfish]

Hey you're seeing them now!
cool

[blowfish]

you think i give a shit after living on canned food for that long?
i'll eat the whole thing

[slushfund]

What a dirty trick.

[that was hot.]

But you go a year without lactose and eat a litre of it...
You're going to have the worst shit cramps of your life in about three hours.
┐(￣ー￣)┌

[blowfish]

i'll take a video of it for you

[slushfund]

2 spoons, 1 doofus.

What are YOU doing up at this hour, anyway?
Besides eating a tub of ice cream while you watch rom-coms?

[blowfish]

[ahahaha that reference makes him snort in real time]

Couldn't sleep
I figured you would probably be awake since you're a total loser

[slushfund]

You just called yourself a loser, loser.

[hiruma knows jesse is lonely, it's typed as plain as day. if he could get there at this time, he would, but until those rules are clear:]

So tell me a tale, put me to sleep.

[blowfish]

[oh he did didn't he..... ]

i don't want u to go to sleep, that's boring

[yep, lonely...]

[blowfish]

I heard your floor of the tower is fucking haunted

[slushfund]

[hiruma laughs outright at the following text, but something sits warmly in his chest at the first.]

LOL SO YOU TELL ME A GHOST STORY.
You bastard, I should turn my phone off.

[slushfund]

But now I'm curious, I wonder what Eos Tower could be haunted with...
Let's see what you got.

1/2

[blowfish]

[Hiruma will see that USER IS TYPING signal for ages.]

Before you took up the space a happy couple called your room their crib. like way before you got there. 100 years or something. they were happy an all that because their lives were perfect. one day they were enjoying a chill ride home in their hovercar, life is really ballin in Tanagura everything's fine.

BUT THEN

A mongrel runs into the road. **splat.** they ran that bitch over. it's not a big deal, right? it's just a mongrel SO they ditch the body in a garbage can and go home to eat their fancy dinners and customize their sci-fi rooms.

Theyre setting up some awesome space theme for the living room. There's a noise out by the window. a scratching noise.

dude looks over.....chick starts to scream