[Sakamoto waggles a playful finger at his partner.]
I've been getting plenty of sleep.
[Too much.
This is better than not sleeping at all, he'll admit. That was the problem he had for several months, almost throughout his entire stay in Haven. As of recent events, his slumber had been bereft of nightmares, just blackness, all bliss.
He had forgotten what it was like, to share a bed with someone for an entire night. Ah, well, even then he had never really shared a bed so much as a patch of grass, a spot of Earth, with three other young men who had once meant the world to him.
They still did.
Why was this different, then? The warmth he feels with that other man, who should be nothing more than a friend indeed. There should be a wave of comfort, but there needs to be some kind of limit. This situation was different, Sakamoto would find himself orienting his body closer and closer and closer still, but it never seemed like enough.
The sensation itself was beautiful, but the guilt that came with it? Awful.]
Sakamoto's mouth forms a thin line as he hears the word, it hits strikes him like a knife in his back, twisting deeper and deeper still as the silence between them lingers. He despises that word, it strikes fear into his heart, because he's always been happy.
No matter how bad life has gotten, Sakamoto Tatsuma has always been a happy man, except for-]
How did you know?
[That he wasn't in his own bed.
That he's depressed.
Depressed? God damn it.]
I...
[He bites his lip, instinctively reminding himself to keep the tears from leaking, to keep himself quiet. He wants to scream, with fury and frustration, to weep for hours on end, but he doesn't have the time.
Or does he? That's the thing about this place. There's too much time.
He yearns to be busy, to be overbooked and over-scheduled, to be seeing people at every waking moment so he can be distracted from his thoughts and insecurities. There are dark voices in his mind that linger, but how can he hear them when he laughs loudly, speaks loudly, when there are others in the same room? Sometimes he yells at the top of his lungs when he shouldn't because it's easier.
It's easier, because then he can only hear himself.]
Mm, I might have been feelin' a liiiittle down, lately...
You were a no-show at practice. I went to check, numbskull.
[hiruma pauses, looking to the side.
sakamoto hasn't moved.
one turn tells him all he needs to know, and he faces the man with a raised chin. his business partner has many expressions, many of which he's encountered like this, but this time around it's a mood he's never seen. smiling mouth now a grim line, worrying away at his lip, avoiding the topic for as long as he can. the obvious search for excuses comes up empty.
hiruma doesn't know what to say.
doing nothing is probably the safest reaction. let him gather his bearings. live and let live instead of poking his nose into problems he's only begun to experience—but, somehow, he can't just stand here and watch. and he sure as hell can't pretend sakamoto said nothing.]
I know you. Alright?
[it's matter-of-fact, but there's something quieter about it. a stern reminder, eyes dropping somewhere to the right.
after a moment, hiruma sighs.]
Your ideas are good, but they need foundation. Just... set small goals for yourself. You'll feel better. Thinking too big'll kill you faster than Yao will...
[Sakamoto looks ahead, not wanting to show that he's avoiding eye-contact directly. Hiruma's right, as he usually is, but it's troublesome. Every shot he's had he's botched up royally, mostly because Haven has a habit of making things implode right in his face.]
I always dream big.
[He's been dreaming for a while now. That's pleasant, at least. The nightmares have ceased, thanks to a certain sleeping arrangement.]
That's what keeps me alive.
[Sakamoto knows very well that his dreams are crazy, just downright insane, sometimes. Still, it's that fierce desire to push forward with a clear knowledge of the obstacles that lie ahead that's gotten him this far. People used to say that a human flying to the moon was crazy, but he had done it.
He'd gone even farther, and farther still.]
But, since it's progress I'm chasin'... I think I can take your advice. You can't fix anything with a broken hammer.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Sakamoto waggles a playful finger at his partner.]
I've been getting plenty of sleep.
[Too much.
This is better than not sleeping at all, he'll admit. That was the problem he had for several months, almost throughout his entire stay in Haven. As of recent events, his slumber had been bereft of nightmares, just blackness, all bliss.
He had forgotten what it was like, to share a bed with someone for an entire night. Ah, well, even then he had never really shared a bed so much as a patch of grass, a spot of Earth, with three other young men who had once meant the world to him.
They still did.
Why was this different, then? The warmth he feels with that other man, who should be nothing more than a friend indeed. There should be a wave of comfort, but there needs to be some kind of limit. This situation was different, Sakamoto would find himself orienting his body closer and closer and closer still, but it never seemed like enough.
The sensation itself was beautiful, but the guilt that came with it? Awful.]
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[the silence is heavy, so hiruma simply leads him inside and continues talking.]
Awfully strange, considering you haven't been in your own bed.
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Sakamoto's mouth forms a thin line as he hears the word, it hits strikes him like a knife in his back, twisting deeper and deeper still as the silence between them lingers. He despises that word, it strikes fear into his heart, because he's always been happy.
No matter how bad life has gotten, Sakamoto Tatsuma has always been a happy man, except for-]
How did you know?
[That he wasn't in his own bed.
That he's depressed.
Depressed? God damn it.]
I...
[He bites his lip, instinctively reminding himself to keep the tears from leaking, to keep himself quiet. He wants to scream, with fury and frustration, to weep for hours on end, but he doesn't have the time.
Or does he? That's the thing about this place. There's too much time.
He yearns to be busy, to be overbooked and over-scheduled, to be seeing people at every waking moment so he can be distracted from his thoughts and insecurities. There are dark voices in his mind that linger, but how can he hear them when he laughs loudly, speaks loudly, when there are others in the same room? Sometimes he yells at the top of his lungs when he shouldn't because it's easier.
It's easier, because then he can only hear himself.]
Mm, I might have been feelin' a liiiittle down, lately...
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[hiruma pauses, looking to the side.
sakamoto hasn't moved.
one turn tells him all he needs to know, and he faces the man with a raised chin. his business partner has many expressions, many of which he's encountered like this, but this time around it's a mood he's never seen. smiling mouth now a grim line, worrying away at his lip, avoiding the topic for as long as he can. the obvious search for excuses comes up empty.
hiruma doesn't know what to say.
doing nothing is probably the safest reaction. let him gather his bearings. live and let live instead of poking his nose into problems he's only begun to experience—but, somehow, he can't just stand here and watch. and he sure as hell can't pretend sakamoto said nothing.]
I know you. Alright?
[it's matter-of-fact, but there's something quieter about it. a stern reminder, eyes dropping somewhere to the right.
after a moment, hiruma sighs.]
Your ideas are good, but they need foundation. Just... set small goals for yourself. You'll feel better. Thinking too big'll kill you faster than Yao will...
no subject
I always dream big.
[He's been dreaming for a while now. That's pleasant, at least. The nightmares have ceased, thanks to a certain sleeping arrangement.]
That's what keeps me alive.
[Sakamoto knows very well that his dreams are crazy, just downright insane, sometimes. Still, it's that fierce desire to push forward with a clear knowledge of the obstacles that lie ahead that's gotten him this far. People used to say that a human flying to the moon was crazy, but he had done it.
He'd gone even farther, and farther still.]
But, since it's progress I'm chasin'... I think I can take your advice. You can't fix anything with a broken hammer.
[Sakamoto whistles.]
I'm gonna need some tape!
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[comes the last shred of that advice before he's relenting.]
You want a can of somethin'?
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[He bows his head, stopping himself mid-gesture. Hiruma isn't fond of old Japanese traditions, right.]
I wanted to make an offer, actually!
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What's that now?
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[He rests his elbow on the nearest wall, leaning to one side.]
Storage! The location, to be precise.
You're good at finding information. I don't wanna go there in person, or anything... I'm not that stupid.
[He laughs.]
I'd just like to know where it is.
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[a wary look.]
You sure you aren't gonna' run off, honestly, if I get that information? Because y'know I can't give it to you, if that's in your plans.
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[And that's the truth.]
Stirrin' up trouble will do us no good. Something this big can't be done alone, or rushed, for that matter! We've gotta be sneaky.
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The information is yours. That means what you do with it? That's up to you!
If the price is keepin' it a secret, hell. I'll keep the damn secret.
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[he's never had anyone in his mind before, what else could he have done?]
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[He nods at that, noting that brief pause. Jesse and Hiruma were pretty close weren't they? That makes him smile.]
I'll keep my mouth shut.
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We good?
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[And with that, he turns around, giving Hiruma a nonchalant wave before heading towards the door.]
Take care!